Fictional Places I’d Like to Work

In honor of the upcoming Labor Day weekend, here’s a short list of some fictional places where I think I might like to work:

  • Greendale Community College (Community) – I’ve mentioned before that I taught political science college courses for several years while I was pursuing my PhD. I loved teaching, but didn’t love everything else that went along with it – the department politics, the pressure to publish, the low pay – so I decided to pursue another career path. I don’t imagine most of those concerns exist at Greendale; the place is so poorly managed by the administration, especially the Dean, that I assume it is generally a pretty low pressure job. I’d be qualified, get to do what I love and participate in the school-wide paintball tournament every year.

Sure you have to deal with the occasional zombie invasion, but every workplace has its issues. I can totally see me chilling in the faculty lounge with the cast of characters that have taught at Greendale (including Betty White, John Oliver, Ken Jeong and Michael K. Williams).

  • The Bluth Company (Arrested Development) – I don’t know that I really have the credentials to be in the real estate development field, but I don’t think 99% of the people at The Bluth Company do either. You’d get free massages from Buster Bluth (“Hey Co-worker”), inappropriate Karaoke at company parties and occasionally some Office Magic from resident illusionist Gob Bluth.

The downside is that you’d have to endure the fact that your company was under investigation by the government, the constant rotation of leadership and having to work Saturdays, but I’m also sure you could get away with not doing any actual work for long stretches of time. You might even get to go to Catalina.

  • The Dragonfly Inn (Gilmore Girls) – I actually have some experience in the hospitality industry; I worked one summer as a chambermaid in a hotel in Saratoga during horseracing season. We’ll ignore the fact that I accidentally lost the master key to the hotel and locked myself in a linen closet. The food at the Dragonfly Inn has got to be fantastic and Lorelei Gilmore seems like she would be a fun person to work for. I don’t recall there ever being a lot of guests at the Inn so it wouldn’t be too stressful. But the biggest selling point would be proximity to the town of Stars Hollow, CT. That town must be located on oil or have a rich benefactor since they seem to have a town wide festival or celebration every single weekend. I’d never be bored. It also is home to a plethora of cute shops and restaurants and property values must be pretty low since just about everyone owns a home and/or a business.
  • Cheers (Cheers) – Who wouldn’t want to work someplace where everybody knows your name? If you are going to work in a bar, I think Cheers is the way to go. It’s the cleanest bar that I’ve ever seen in my life and in the 11 seasons that the show was on the air I don’t remember there ever being a barroom brawl or even any obnoxious drunks. I tend to have a heavy hand when it comes to making mixed drinks – my drink concoctions only come one way (strong) – but that wouldn’t be an issue at Cheers since everyone seems to drink beer. I’d get free advice from Frasier, get to talk about life in Major League Baseball with Sam and get my trivia fix from Cliff. Every year there is the opportunity to participate in the prank war with Gary’s Old Town Tavern, which would be a good outlet for my more diabolical tendencies. Plus you never know when something like this will happen:

I’d unfortunately have to put up with Red Sox fans, but I think it would be worth it. Despite my dislike of all the sports teams, I do like the city of Boston a lot. I’ve always thought I would do well in a sports bar, so I think Cheers would be an ideal place for me.

Enjoy the long weekend!

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