American Horror Story: Coven

It’s that time of year again when FX rolls out the nuttiest in the history of television – American Horror Story. This year’s installment is focused on witches (hence the subtitle, Coven) and once again creator Ryan Murphy has brought back some familiar faces in completely different roles. I really dig this model; it allows the show to tell one story since they have a defined timeline and prevents the series from getting stale. It is constantly reinventing itself, though it does run the risk of not being able to top itself. Thankfully there are still plenty of sacred cows for Murphy to mess with and he hasn’t shown signs of running out of ideas.

Last year my pals and I had a season premiere viewing party and I did a running diary of our thoughts and reactions as we were watching. This year, our schedules didn’t line up for that to happen, but we texted through the show to share our thoughts. So without further ado – live reaction of American Horror Story: Coven.

Nope - this poster is in no way phallic. Not at all.

Nope – this poster is in no way phallic. Not at all.

**You probably already pieced this together but – SPOILERS ABOUND**

10:00 pm Starting with Katy Bates – smart move. She’s already throwing some shade.

10:01 – Interracial love in the 1830s. As far as taboos go, that one’s been covered. Has Ryan Murphy gone soft in this third installment?

10:02 – Kathy Bates is painting her face with blood. That’s more like it.

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10:03 – Not that I plan to try it, but I wonder if this blood as facial tightener really works.

10:04 – “Something happened during the dinner party.” Did they have sex during the dinner party? This seems like an inaccurate statement. Words have meaning, sir. Be precise.

10:05 – A basement of disfigured and tortured slaves. This has escalated quickly.

10:06 – If y’all thought Bates was terrifying in Misery that was nothing compared to this.

10:07 – I already weighed in on the credits, but they remain freaky upon repeated viewing.

10:10 – Yay! Taissa Farmiga is back. I missed her last season.

10:11 – That is a memorable loss of virginity – death by brain aneurysm.

10:13 – A boarding school for witches. PLEASE tell me this is Hogwarts.

10:14 – Dang. It’s Miss Robichaux’s Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies. Hogwarts would have been better.

10:16 – Even at witch boarding school there is hazing.

10:16 – It’s AHS newbie, Emma Roberts. Welcome! Make your Aunt Julia proud.

10:17 – Hey Jaime Brewer is back too! The gang’s all here.

10:19 – Misty Day sounds more like a name for a stripper than a witch. Lily Rabe is going from nun to witch in one season. That’s got to be some kind of record (and also leads one to believe that Misty ain’t dead).

10:20 – Necromancy – I know what that is. Thanks True Blood! Who knew you were so educational?

10:21 – It’s Jessica Lange, y’all. NOW it’s officially American Horror Story.

10:23 – It is really irking me trying to figure out who the actor is playing the doctor that will probably be dead pretty soon. You don’t tell Jessica Lange no.

10:26 – Told you. That gives new meaning to getting the life sucked out of you.

10:27 – Seriously – this show is full of beauty tips. I give it six months before Sephora has an American Horror Story line. I’m only half kidding.

10:30 – Spalding? What kind of name is that for a butler? He kind of looks like Riff Raff from Rocky Horror. I assume that is intentional.

10:32 – A human voodoo doll? Interesting.

10:36 – This is definitely not a healthy mother-daughter relationship.

10:40 – No puking, no public urination or public exposure? What kind of fraternity is this?

10:42 – This is WAY nicer than the fraternity parties I used to go to – those never had ice, let alone an ice sculpture.

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10:43 – Man- they really love that fisheye lens this season.

10:45 – We’re getting the first rape of the season out of the way pretty quickly. Don’t worry – they’ll get theirs.

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10:52 – Hey! They stole my Hogwarts joke! Get out of my head, American Horror Story!

10:52 – Yeah – a bunch of women in all in black wondering around New Orleans. That totally looks normal.

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10:55 – A Nick Cage reference? They are really brining their A game tonight.

10:56 – An attic? I thought that they were in a basement.

10:57 – Angela Bassett in the house. She and Gabourey Sidibe are adding some much needed diversity to the cast.

10:58 – I’m no doctor (or witch for that matter) but shouldn’t Madame LaLaurie’s husband be drinking this potion to cure his affliction?

10:59 – Whoa – I just Googled “LaLaurie” to see how to spell it and it looks like this is based on an actual person. And I really didn’t need to know that there is a site called “Murderpedia.” I waste enough time online.

11:04 – Our first Katrina reference. I wondered how long that would take.

11:05 – Death by sex. That is a crappy superpower to have.

11:06 – “C’mon Mary Todd Lincoln. I’ll buy you a drink.” That seems like as good line to end on as any.

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And so wraps up the first episode of American Horror Story: Coven. So far I like it better than last year’s Asylum. The story is more focused and has a central theme, unlike last year’s whole boatload of crazy. I’m sure this will get more complicated as the season progresses – based on the preview for the season we’re adding zombies to the mix at some point – but I appreciate this more deliberate story telling in the beginning. I don’t know if I can venture a guess at what insanity will happen this season; I’m still riding high on my prediction that there would be necrophilia last season (unfortunate side effect of that correct guess – my cell phone blew up with texts during that episode that simply said “Necrophilia! 🙂 “ Thank God I didn’t lose my phone after that – those texts would have been hard to explain away).

Even if this episode was terrible, I’d still be watching. This is my daily dose of crazy for the week. And much like Orange is the New Black, it is nice to see a predominantly female cast. They have some seriously heavy hitters in the cast this year and Ryan Murphy loves nothing more than cranking up the diva and bitch factors. I’m really looking forward what they are going to come up with given this acting potential.

American Horror Story: Coven airs Wednesdays at 10 pm EST on FX.

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