2014 Golden Globes


Another awards ceremony happened over the weekend, so you know what that means – another one of my famous (infamous) running diaries. Last night I took my show on the road and went over to my friend Kristin’s house to watch the Golden Globes. She put out quite the spread – shrimp, veggies with hummus and crab spinach artichoke dip – but she decided that since the Globes were not as classy as the Oscars, our beverage of choice would be Pabst Blue Ribbon rather than champagne. This was a wise and welcome decision – PBR is always the right choice.

Now that I’ve set the scene, read along with my real-time thoughts and comments on the 2014 Golden Globes. All times are eastern:

7-8 pm – Red Carpet

I’ll admit that I was only kind of half watching the red carpet interviews since I generally thing that they are completely vapid and meaningless. That being said, you know that I totally paid attention once I heard Jennifer Lawrence was coming up, so I definitely caught her hilarious walk up the stairs while Taylor Swift was being interviewed:


Which was followed by this nugget of awesome, where JLaw spoke for all of America:


Jennifer Lawrence – you are a national treasure.

This unfortunately led to Swift sticking around for most of Lawrence’s interview and they unfortunately seem friendly; they at least text each other. But we collectively decided that JLaw was just being nice and really can’t stand Swift. The idea of them paling around is just too upsetting.

I missed this, but Elisabeth Moss flipped off the “mani cam,” which frankly I think is the only reasonable response to such foolishness.


8:00 -11:00 pm – Golden Globe Ceremony

8:00 – Yay! It’s Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, teaming up to host the ceremony for the second year in the row. Let’s hope that they are just as awesome the second time around.

8:02 – I agree with them – this has been a really spectacular year for movies; not a War Horse or Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (both of which I hated) in the lot.

8:03 – “Matt Damon, on any other night in another room, you would be a big deal. But tonight, and don’t take this the wrong way, you’re basically a garbage man.” Ha!

8:04 – I am not sure that Tom Hanks finds this amusing, which is surprising.

8:05 – I love Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Of course she is playing along for a bit because she is the freaking best:


8:06 – This joke about Gravity absolutely slayed me:


Speaking of which – where IS Clooney? Are they even allowed to do awards shows without him present??

8:07 – “Are you taking notes?” – Kristin’s husband, wandering into the festivities and amazed that I was watching an award ceremony with a pad of paper and pen in hand.

8:09 – “Masters of Sex is the degree I got from Boston College.” – Amy Poehler. They are killing it with this monologue. So, so funny.


8:10 – The presenters are coming up from the audience? That seems kind of weird. Is that how it is going to be all evening?

8:11 – Sandra Bullock’s dress is really unattractive:


8:13 – I can’t hear Mila Kunis speak now without thinking of Meg Griffin on Family Guy. That’s unfortunate for her.

8:14 – Dancing on the Edge? What the heck is that? It’s unusual that even I haven’t hear of something that is nominated.

8:15 – Yowza – it took Jacqueline Bisset a really long time to get to the stage.

8:16 – If this show runs long, it is going to be Bisset’s fault; she is taking way too many dramatic pauses and she is rambling.

8:17 – Bisset is getting censored; she must be cussing.

8:18 – I legitimately have no idea what she is talking about. Get the hook.

8:23 – Finally! One of my predictions came true. Behind the Candelabra wins for best TV drama, musical or miniseries.

8:24 – Sweet baby Jesus – no more older people can win. It takes them way too long to get to the stage.

8:25 – Elisabeth Moss! Hooray! A well-deserved win for Top of the Lake; it’s worth a look if you haven’t seen this great Sundance Channel mini-series. And that’s two in a row for me.

8:28 – Matt Damon makes a call-back to the garbage man comment at the top of the show. Well played, Damon.

8:36 – Teleprompter error for Jonah Hill and Margot Robbie. Some awkward laughing and then they read their lines off a piece of paper. Robbie wonders if this is hazing for the new girl.


8:38 –Heisenberg in the house! A not unexpected win for Bryan Cranston. Though I’m still pissed that Jon Hamm wasn’t even nominated. And another one right for me!

8:41 – I’m guessing Breaking Bad will win best drama, but I wouldn’t be totally surprised if House of Cards is the upset winner. The Hollywood Foreign Press love to think that they are recognizing something new and innovative.

8:41 – Just kidding. OF COURSE Breaking Bad wins.

8:42 – That was some weird camera work there, but I can’t fault them for wanting to linger on Aaron Paul. I’d do the same.

8:43 – Awww…one last “yeah bitch” for the road.

8:51 – P Diddy – you are not Kanye West. Stop interrupting the winners and inserting yourself into their moments.

8:54 – I don’t care who wins best original song as long as it isn’t Taylor Swift (though I am partial to “Let it Go” from Frozen).

8:55 – U2 wins for Mandela. I’m OK with this.

8:55 – HA! Bono is having none of P Diddy. That was the most awkward hug I’ve ever seen.


8:56 – Who knew that U2 had such a long and profound connection with Nelson Mandela? Now I’m really glad they won. I’m also impressed that Bono is letting the other two band members who are not The Edge speak. I didn’t know that was allowed.

9:02 – It really isn’t that hard to say the word candelabra but somehow this dude presenting messed it up.

9:03 – Sorry Jon Voight, but you just stole Aaron Paul’s award. Be the bigger person and give it back to him. Sigh – the idea of a movie star “slumming it” on TV never fails to be awards bait.

9:05 – Wait – Jon Voight’s son is there? Is this the same son who famously was a little too affectionate with his famous sister? If so, good for him getting back on the award show horse.


9:06 – Robert Downey, Jr. presenting. Has everyone seen the video of him singing with Sting?

9:07 – Got to go Amy Adams on this one.

9:08 – Right again – Adams really was great so this isn’t really a surprise. But beating Meryl – that’s a feather in your cap!

9:15 – Ha! Amy Poehler is dressed up as Mr. Golden Globe, Tina Fey’s son from a previous relationship. Classic.


9:16 – Did Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon know this was going to happen? Because they look a little confused. Their daughter is loving it though.

9:17 – I’m guessing Robin Wright, since she’s the only movie star in this category.

9:18 – Yup. The Hollywood Foreign Press is predictable.

9:19 – Jim Carrey received a surprisingly enthusiastic response when he came out on stage to present. Do people have him confused with someone else (quite possible – the booze is flowing at this event)? He doesn’t seem like the type of guy to be getting this kind of ovation.

9:20 – Christoph Waltz is permitted to be in a move that doesn’t involve Quentin Taratino?

9:21 – Going with Jared Leto for best supporting actor. A truly amazing performance.

9:22 – Another correct prediction – I should have put money on this thing.

9:23 – Ugh. Enough with Giuliana Rancic. It’s bad enough I have to put up with her on the red carpet; stop showing her in commercials too.

9:27 – Emma Thompson has come out barefoot, carrying her shoes and with a martini in her hand. I can relate, sister.


9:28 – This is a tough category because they don’t distinguish between original and adapted screenplay. Based on sheer creativity, I think Her will take this award (look for a review of the film later this week).

9:29 – That song “Girl on Fire?” That’s about me, since I am seriously killing these Golden Globe predictions.

9:30 – One of my award show pet peeves – the arbitrariness of who gets played off and who does and how long each person gets. Less famous people don’t get the same courtesy and that is bullshit.

9:34 – Andy Samberg? That is a surprise. I figured this was Jim Parsons’ award to lose. Like Samberg, but he doesn’t deserve this.

9:36 – Eh – at least Samberg gave a cute speech. And Seth Meyers is clearly ticked to see his pal win.

9:46 – Not a fan of Zoe Saldana’s dress. It looks like the straps accidentally fell down and she didn’t fix them.


9:43 – JIMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hooray for Fallon (and Melissa McCarthy)!

9:44 – This bit that they are doing about McCarthy thinking she is Matt Damon is weird, but also funny. Not sure that it is working with the crowd though.

9:45 – Dang. That would have been really funny to see what they would have done if Damon had actually won. But Michael Douglas winning isn’t a surprise.

9:52 – Emma Watson – don’t think that I didn’t see you downing some booze earlier in the evening. Your presenting skills are a bit off.

9:53 – I’m kind of surprised that I have seen all the animated feature nominees, though it helps that there are only 3.

9:56 – Bono giving nominee Amy Poehler a back rub is outstanding:


9:57 – Amy then making out with Bono when she won was even better:


Ha! This did not sit well with Poehler’s boyfriend Nick Kroll:


10:01 – Woody Allen retrospective in advance of his receipt of the Cecil B. DeMille award. As a relatively new convert to his films, this only reminds me of how many of these that I haven’t seen. I need to get to work.

10:05 – No Woody; his pal Diane Keaton accepts on his behalf.

10:10 – That was actually a really sweet speech. Good job Diane!

10:11 – Two people who were not digging the tribute: Mia and Ronan Farrow:


10:18 – Eh – I wouldn’t have picked Alfonso Cuarón for best director, but there were a lot of moving pieces for that film.

10:19 – He seems like a good guy. That herpes vs. ear piece story was pretty adorable.


10:20 – Best comedy – I officially have no freaking idea what is going to happen with this one, given the relatively unexpected wins for Poehler and Samberg, Literally anything could happen……

10:21 -…….and it does with a totally premature win for Brooklyn Nine-Nine. I like the show, but it is wildly uneven and it’s too early to tell what kind of show it will end up being.

10:26 – Best actor in a comedy of musical. I would totally be OK with any of these guys winning. They are all great. I’m going Leonardo Di Caprio.

10:27 – And Leo takes home the Globe. Good on him – he gets nominated a lot but rarely wins and The Wolf of Wall Street was one of his best performances.

10:28 – Ha! Leo pointing out the absurdity of how the Golden Globes divvies up movies. When I think Christian Bale, I think comedy.


10:37 – You know I’m all in on American Hustle, though I really can’t complain about any of these films winning.

10:38 – The American Foreign Press agrees with me again with a win for American Hustle. No Christian Bale or Jeremy Renner in attendance.

10:43 – Tina and Amy get saucy with this joke about DiCaprio:


10:44 – Leo comes out to present and thanks some people that he forgot to thank when he won. His publicist must have gotten a hold of him

10:45 – Leo just mangled the name Philomena. He said Phil-o-mania, which I can only assume is the Phil Mickleson story. I would totally watch that.

10:46 – Cate Blanchett’s win for best actress makes me even more excited to finally see Blue Jasmine.

10:48 – A Judy Garland/barbiturates reference. Who had THAT on their Golden Globe bingo cards?

10:49 – I’m sure to the annoyance of everyone, I am obligated to say “Alright, alright, alright” every single time Matthe McConaughey is on screen. He’s my pick to win.

10:50 – Whoa! McConaughey must have heard me (and the rest of America) because he actually said “Alright, alright, alright” when he accepted his award. I’m pretty sure the Internet just exploded.

10:56 – Johnny Depp? I’m kind of surprised he’s presenting. This doesn’t seem to be his kind of thing. Even he looks surprised that he is doing this.

10:57 – Rush has absolutely no chance of winning. I’m guessing 12 Years a Slave.

10:58 – I end the night on a high note with another correct prediction.

10:59 – Tina and Amy are back to say goodnight. It speaks volumes to how awesome they are that I actually wish that there were MORE of them during the ceremony. They should host life.

11:00 – The teaser trailer for The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon is airing with the audio for a promo for The Biggest Loser. Sigh – don’t ever change NBC.

So there you have it – another awards show in the books. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler did a great job per usual. A complete list of winners can be found here. So what did you think? Any surprises? Did you favorites win? Who SHOULD have won? Sound off in the comments below.

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