Another day, another award ceremony. This back-to-back schedule is exhausting and I am definitely not a fan. Had I known how boring the VMAs were generally going to be I would have bailed on them; I have no doubts that the Emmys will also be boring, but I always watch the Emmys. I actually care who wins these things, even if I usually wind up annoyed at half the people they honor. But I’m nothing if not a trooper – at least when it comes to pop culture endurance –so I’m back at it with another running diary. This deserves a medal of some sort.
I skipped the red carpet for the Emmys since I just couldn’t stomach Giuliana Rancic tonight – she.is.the.worst. – and my NBC affiliate decided not to show their version of the red carpet for some reason. So while I’m sure I missed out on the excitement that is the mani-cam, for my own mental health I blew off that portion of the event. Based on what I saw on Twitter, I didn’t miss much.
Just a reminder – you can see my Emmy predictions here.
8:00 – I like, but don’t love, Seth Myers. So this should be interesting.
8:03 – The “dramas submitted as comedies” bit killed. I didn’t think it was that funny.
8:04 – “Tonight we are all Crazy Eyes.”
8:05 – Ha – I am enjoying these How I Met Your Mother burns. That finale was so bad. “That’s right kids Jesse Pinkman lived, Dexter lived, but your Mother didn’t make it. Sleep tight.”
8:07 – This is more meta monologue than I would have predicted. Not bad, Seth.
8:08 – “Game of Thrones = worst job security.” It’s funny because it’s true.
8:09 –“TV is the booty call friend of entertainment.”
8:10 – Amy Poehler/Seth Myers high five!
8:10 – Best supporting actor in a comedy.
8:10 – They couldn’t even show a photo of Adam Driver when they said his name?? That’s weird.
8:10 – Ugh – the Emmys and their stupid love of Modern Family. I will never understand it. Though Ty Burrell seem like a nice enough guy.
8:16 -I hope Allison Williams loosens up by the time Peter Pan rolls around or we’ll have another Carrie Underwood situation on our hands.
8:17 – Whoo! Louis CK wins for best writing in a comedy series. Well deserved!
8:18 – NBC – it is not nice to put up a notification of when other famous people will be on stage while someone is giving their speech.
8:19 – “Is that Matthew McConaughey?” You got so fat since the Oscars.” – Kimmel.
8:20 “Alright, alright, alright already.”
8:20 – “Ricky Gervais – that’s a television face. Not even a television face – a Netflix face.” I love that no one laughed harder at that than Gervais.
8:21 – Best supporting actress in comedy series – Allison Janney. Don’t watch Mom, but I like her.
8:22 – Sorry – Chuck Lorre is NOT a genius. Try again.
8:27 – A very pregnant Hayden Panettiere for best guest star in a comedy series. We already know my man Jimmy Fallon won, as did Crazy Eyes. Not much suspense here.
8:28 – Ha! Jimmy stands up and waves.
8:28 – Best Directing in a Comedy Series.
8:29 –” The best direction that Louis game me was how to hold a joint.” – Louis’ TV daughter
8:30 – I love TJ Miller.
8:30 – ARGHHHH. More Modern Family shenanigans. This blows.
8:31 – Matthew McConaughey is officially the Jack Nicholson of the Emmys.
8:33 – Billy Eichner. There’s about to be some yelling! IN A GOOD WAY!
8:34 – “We’re taking a collection for the cast of The Big Bang Theory.”
8:35 – “Hotmail just picked up 12 new episodes of Judging Amy”
8:36 – What I am taking away from the montage is that NYC residents love Jimmy Fallon.
8:36 – Yay – Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Bryan Cranston. #DreamTeam
8:36 – “Hold on Clark Gable”
8:37 – Best Lead Actor in a Comedy Series goes to Jim Parsons. No surprise there.
8:43 – Jimmy Fallon to present Best Lead Actress in a Comedy Series.
8:45 – Finally – they do something right. Julia Louis-Dreyfus for Veep.
8:45 ….who makes out with Bryan Cranston. #callback
8:47 – That was weird camera work – they didn’t show John Mulaney and Mindy Kahling walking out.
8:48 – Maybe don’t insult realty shows right before you give them an award.
8:48 – Doesn’t Amazing Race always win this? Also – Amazing Race is still on TV?
8:49 – The Emmys are OBSESSED with movie stars; weird to single Julia Roberts out from all the other nominees. She looks uncomfortable with this.
8:53 – Q&A with the audience
8:54 – A question from the gorgeous Jon Hamm. His question should have been “what does a dude have to do to win one of these.”
8:56 – Who has the bathroom key?
8:56 – Is that Tempest Bledsoe as an usher?
8:57 – “Time for a genre change” may have been the most awkward transition ever.
8:58 – Allison Janey and Olympia Spenser, who are here not to announce a sequel to The Help but to read the best writing in a movie or miniseries
8:58 – Stephen Moffat for Sherlock.
8:59 – Now it’s outstanding supporting actress in a mini-series or movie….
9:00…which goes to a movie star, just not Julia Roberts. The great Kathy Bates for the win (though I would have rather seen Allison Tolman win for Fargo)
9:00 – She looks VERY surprised.
9:06 – That’s the last time Stephen Colbert will walk out to that music. Here for Best Supporting Actor in a Miniseries or movie
9:07 – This imaginary supporting actor bot about Roscoe isn’t really working for me; Colbert deserves better material.
9:08 – Martin Freeman wins for Sherlock. I’m OK with that over anyone from The Normal Heart (which I didn’t think was all that great).
9:09 – Kate Walsh’s dress is really, really yellow.
9:09 – If that Muhammad Ali HBO film wins for best direction I’m going to be so pissed. That thing was borderline unwatchable…and part of it was even filmed here in Albany.
9:10 – Whoo! Fargo wins for best direction in a mini-series or movie. That makes me happy.
9:16 – More Amy Poehler is always a good thing.
9:17 – “Please welcome two guys who seem like they would be chatty in the sack.”
9:18 – Only Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey could pull off these suits.
9:18 – Wait…two other guys could too
9:18 – Ha! Woody breaks out his McConaughey impression.
9:19 – “I’m glad you got all the plagiarized lines.” I got it, but I’m guessing most people at home didn’t. Here’s the background.
9:20 – Benedict Cumberbatch wins for Best Actor in a Miniseries or Movie. He’s not there either.
9:25 – Kerry Washington and Liev Schreiber for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Mini-series or Movie. ANYONE but Minnie Driver please. You know how I feel about her.
9:25 – Jessica Lange wins again for American Horror Story. Did Emmy voters just recycle their ballots from last year?
9:28 – Andy Samberg is always fun. AND they are doing TV theme songs. This could be good.
9:28 – Weird Al! The Emmys just got interesting.
9:30 – That Homeland theme song was spot on.
9:31 – “Have a back-up. Have a back-up.” “That’s a spoiler. That’s a spoiler.”
9:31 – They just handed George R.R. Martin a typewriter in the audience. Outstanding!
9:32 – Cersei Lena Headey to give the award for Outstanding mini-series.
9:32 – Ha! Samberg as Joffrey.
9:33 – Fargo! Another pleasant surprise!
9:39 – I’m meh on Juliana Marguleis. There – I said it.
9:40 – The Normal Heart wins Outstanding Television Movie.
9:41 – They bring a very sick looking Larry Kramer on the stage. Nice he got to enjoy the moment.
9:42 – Hey – There’s Taylor Kitsch! In a tux! Nothing wrong with that.
9:43 – Hard to transition from death from AIDS to Ricky Gervais. But here we go!
9:44 – Gervais reads his prepared acceptance speech, even though he lost.
9:45 – Outstanding writing for a comedy special.
9:45 – Sarah Silverman wins! This could be fun. She has pot in her purse. I know this from Twitter during the red carpet.
9:45 – Run Sarah run!
9:46 – “”We’re all just made of molecules, and we’re hurling though space.” Yup – she’s high.
9:51 –”Two things that can happen to your car: Key & Peele.” That is not good writing.
9:54 – Chris Hardwick, schooling internet trolls on grammar for some reason.
9:56 – Gwen Stefani and Adam Levine – I guess they do all awards shows now. On to best variety series.
9:56 – How do you NOT know how to pronounce The Colbert Report? Shame on you Gwen! You Travolta’ed the hell out of that.
9:57 – “She said it wrong, so there must have been a mistake.” Oh Jimmy Fallon. Don’t ever stop being adorable.
9:58 – I love that Jimmy looks so happy for someone else to win.
10:05 – I’m not sure how I feel about this rotating Sophia Vergaras bit. I hate to be a wet blanket but that was really sexist and demeaning. And the whole “new to the country” thing wasn’t great either.
10:05 – Just a reminder – this happened less than 24 hours ago…..
10:06 – I totally forgot that Lucy Liu was on television.
10:08 – I love Aaron Paul, but he doesn’t really deserve this. Jessie didn’t have much to do in the last episodes of Breaking Bad. This should have gone to Dinklage.
10:10 – I can’t even be mad. He’s so great. Plus he organized a pretty sweet Breaking Bad scavenger hunt today in honor of the show’s last Emmy awards.
10:11 – Looks like it is time for the “bring out the dead” segment.
10:12 – Man, a lot of great people died this year. Like, it was a banner year for celebrity deaths.
10:13 – Did Paul Walker and Philip Seymour Hoffman do TV? I’m always unclear on why movie stars and others are recognized at the Emmys.
10:15 – Billy Crystal pays tribute to his friend Robin Williams. That was actually just right.
10:25 – Cary Fukunaga wins best direction in a drama for True Detective.
10:27 – Get used to it folks – Breaking Bad is gonna win a lot. Congrats to Anna Gunn for best supporting actress in a drama.
10:28 – What is up with that weird chime in the audio? That’s not part of the Breaking Bad theme.
10:34 – I may have just fallen asleep with my eyes open.
10:35 – Best writing in a drama goes to Breaking Bad, but not Vince Gilligan. Can’t be mad though – Ozymandias was an amazing episode.
10:35 – AGAIN WITH THE CHIMES!
10:38 – Viola Davis is really yelling out the nominees. WE CAN HEAR YOU!
10:38 – Julianna Margulies for outstanding lead actress in a drama series. Yawn. I’m sure The Good Wife is great, but I am too tired to care.
10:45 – Good that they finally got around to acknowledging Sara Bareilles’ singing during the In Memorium segment 30 minutes ago.
10:45 – Julia Roberts to announce Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama.
10:46 – Just leave the camera on Jon Hamm for the rest of the night. Please and thank you.
10:47 – Bryan Cranston will not be denied. Sorry McConaughey! It’s tough to beat “the one that knocks.” Console yourself with your Oscar.
10:48 – Next year Hamm. Next year.
10:49 – “I dedicate this award to all the Sneaky Petes of the world.”
10:50 – Ugh. Jay Leno. Just – no.
10:51 – Modern Family wins for Outstanding Comedy Series. Because of course it does. Grr….
10:52 – I legitimately can’t think of anyone I know that still watched Modern Family.
10:56 – Almost done. Halle Berry is here to announce Outstanding Drama.
10:57 – Breaking Bad wins again. HBO has got to be rethinking their submission of True Detective in the drama category, no? They would have cleaned up.
10:58 – Oh BB cast – I will miss you so.
10:59 –And we’re done. Thank goodness!
Well, the Emmys proved once again that they love to stick with people and shows that have already won; most of the people taking home trophies tonight already have one on their mantel. There were some bright spots – Billy on the Street and Weird Al in particular – but otherwise this was a fairly humdrum telecast. I don’t know what they can really do to make these awards more interesting, other than breaking from tradition and being a bit more modern in their award recipients. Seth Myers was fine, but not great; at least he brought the telecast in on time. Right now, I’m just very glad that there aren’t any more awards shows for a while. I need a break.
