2014 Primetime Emmy Running Diary

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Another day, another award ceremony. This back-to-back schedule is exhausting and I am definitely not a fan. Had I known how boring the VMAs were generally going to be I would have bailed on them; I have no doubts that the Emmys will also be boring, but I always watch the Emmys. I actually care who wins these things, even if I usually wind up annoyed at half the people they honor. But I’m nothing if not a trooper – at least when it comes to pop culture endurance –so I’m back at it with another running diary. This deserves a medal of some sort.

I skipped the red carpet for the Emmys since I just couldn’t stomach Giuliana Rancic tonight – she.is.the.worst. – and my NBC affiliate decided not to show their version of the red carpet for some reason. So while I’m sure I missed out on the excitement that is the mani-cam, for my own mental health I blew off that portion of the event. Based on what I saw on Twitter, I didn’t miss much.

Just a reminder – you can see my Emmy predictions here.

8:00 – I like, but don’t love, Seth Myers. So this should be interesting.

 

8:03 – The “dramas submitted as comedies” bit killed. I didn’t think it was that funny.

8:04 – “Tonight we are all Crazy Eyes.”

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8:05 – Ha – I am enjoying these How I Met Your Mother burns. That finale was so bad. “That’s right kids Jesse Pinkman lived, Dexter lived, but your Mother didn’t make it. Sleep tight.”

8:07 – This is more meta monologue than I would have predicted. Not bad, Seth.

8:08 – “Game of Thrones = worst job security.” It’s funny because it’s true.

8:09 –“TV is the booty call friend of entertainment.”

8:10 – Amy Poehler/Seth Myers high five!

8:10 – Best supporting actor in a comedy.

8:10 – They couldn’t even show a photo of Adam Driver when they said his name?? That’s weird.

8:10 – Ugh – the Emmys and their stupid love of Modern Family. I will never understand it. Though Ty Burrell seem like a nice enough guy.

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8:16 -I hope Allison Williams loosens up by the time Peter Pan rolls around or we’ll have another Carrie Underwood situation on our hands.

8:17 – Whoo! Louis CK wins for best writing in a comedy series. Well deserved!

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8:18 – NBC – it is not nice to put up a notification of when other famous people will be on stage while someone is giving their speech.

 

8:19 – “Is that Matthew McConaughey?” You got so fat since the Oscars.” – Kimmel.

8:20 “Alright, alright, alright already.”

8:20 – “Ricky Gervais – that’s a television face. Not even a television face – a Netflix face.” I love that no one laughed harder at that than Gervais.

8:21 – Best supporting actress in comedy series – Allison Janney. Don’t watch Mom, but I like her.

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8:22 – Sorry – Chuck Lorre is NOT a genius. Try again.

8:27 – A very pregnant Hayden Panettiere for best guest star in a comedy series. We already know my man Jimmy Fallon won, as did Crazy Eyes. Not much suspense here.

8:28 – Ha! Jimmy stands up and waves.

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8:28 – Best Directing in a Comedy Series.

8:29 –” The best direction that Louis game me was how to hold a joint.” – Louis’ TV daughter

8:30 – I love TJ Miller.

8:30 – ARGHHHH. More Modern Family shenanigans. This blows.

8:31 – Matthew McConaughey is officially the Jack Nicholson of the Emmys.

8:33 – Billy Eichner. There’s about to be some yelling! IN A GOOD WAY!

 

8:34 – “We’re taking a collection for the cast of The Big Bang Theory.”

8:35 – “Hotmail just picked up 12 new episodes of Judging Amy

8:36 – What I am taking away from the montage is that NYC residents love Jimmy Fallon.

8:36 – Yay – Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Bryan Cranston. #DreamTeam

8:36 – “Hold on Clark Gable”

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8:37 – Best Lead Actor in a Comedy Series goes to Jim Parsons. No surprise there.

8:43 – Jimmy Fallon to present Best Lead Actress in a Comedy Series.

8:45 – Finally – they do something right. Julia Louis-Dreyfus for Veep.

8:45 ….who makes out with Bryan Cranston. #callback

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8:47 – That was weird camera work – they didn’t show John Mulaney and Mindy Kahling walking out.

8:48 – Maybe don’t insult realty shows right before you give them an award.

8:48 – Doesn’t Amazing Race always win this? Also – Amazing Race is still on TV?

8:49 – The Emmys are OBSESSED with movie stars; weird to single Julia Roberts out from all the other nominees. She looks uncomfortable with this.

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8:53 – Q&A with the audience

 

8:54 – A question from the gorgeous Jon Hamm. His question should have been “what does a dude have to do to win one of these.”

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8:56 – Who has the bathroom key?

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8:56 – Is that Tempest Bledsoe as an usher?

8:57 – “Time for a genre change” may have been the most awkward transition ever.

8:58 – Allison Janey and Olympia Spenser, who are here not to announce a sequel to The Help but to read the best writing in a movie or miniseries

8:58 – Stephen Moffat for Sherlock.

8:59 – Now it’s outstanding supporting actress in a mini-series or movie….

9:00…which goes to a movie star, just not Julia Roberts. The great Kathy Bates for the win (though I would have rather seen Allison Tolman win for Fargo)

9:00 – She looks VERY surprised.

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9:06 – That’s the last time Stephen Colbert will walk out to that music. Here for Best Supporting Actor in a Miniseries or movie

9:07 – This imaginary supporting actor bot about Roscoe isn’t really working for me; Colbert deserves better material.

9:08 – Martin Freeman wins for Sherlock. I’m OK with that over anyone from The Normal Heart (which I didn’t think was all that great).

9:09 – Kate Walsh’s dress is really, really yellow.

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9:09 – If that Muhammad Ali HBO film wins for best direction I’m going to be so pissed. That thing was borderline unwatchable…and part of it was even filmed here in Albany.

9:10 – Whoo! Fargo wins for best direction in a mini-series or movie. That makes me happy.

9:16 – More Amy Poehler is always a good thing.

9:17 – “Please welcome two guys who seem like they would be chatty in the sack.”

9:18 – Only Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey could pull off these suits.

9:18 – Wait…two other guys could too

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9:18 – Ha! Woody breaks out his McConaughey impression.

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9:19 – “I’m glad you got all the plagiarized lines.” I got it, but I’m guessing most people at home didn’t. Here’s the background.

9:20 – Benedict Cumberbatch wins for Best Actor in a Miniseries or Movie. He’s not there either.

9:25 – Kerry Washington and Liev Schreiber for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Mini-series or Movie. ANYONE but Minnie Driver please. You know how I feel about her.

9:25 – Jessica Lange wins again for American Horror Story. Did Emmy voters just recycle their ballots from last year?

9:28 – Andy Samberg is always fun. AND they are doing TV theme songs. This could be good.

9:28 – Weird Al! The Emmys just got interesting.

 

9:30 – That Homeland theme song was spot on.

9:31 – “Have a back-up. Have a back-up.” “That’s a spoiler. That’s a spoiler.”

9:31 – They just handed George R.R. Martin a typewriter in the audience. Outstanding!

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9:32 – Cersei Lena Headey to give the award for Outstanding mini-series.

9:32 – Ha! Samberg as Joffrey.

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9:33 – Fargo! Another pleasant surprise!

9:39 – I’m meh on Juliana Marguleis. There – I said it.

9:40 – The Normal Heart wins Outstanding Television Movie.

9:41 – They bring a very sick looking Larry Kramer on the stage. Nice he got to enjoy the moment.

9:42 – Hey – There’s Taylor Kitsch! In a tux! Nothing wrong with that.

9:43 – Hard to transition from death from AIDS to Ricky Gervais. But here we go!

9:44 – Gervais reads his prepared acceptance speech, even though he lost.

9:45 – Outstanding writing for a comedy special.

9:45 – Sarah Silverman wins! This could be fun. She has pot in her purse. I know this from Twitter during the red carpet.

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9:45 – Run Sarah run!

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9:46 – “”We’re all just made of molecules, and we’re hurling though space.” Yup – she’s high.

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9:51 –”Two things that can happen to your car: Key & Peele.” That is not good writing.

9:54 – Chris Hardwick, schooling internet trolls on grammar for some reason.

9:56 – Gwen Stefani and Adam Levine – I guess they do all awards shows now. On to best variety series.

9:56 – How do you NOT know how to pronounce The Colbert Report? Shame on you Gwen! You Travolta’ed the hell out of that.

9:57 – “She said it wrong, so there must have been a mistake.” Oh Jimmy Fallon. Don’t ever stop being adorable.

 

9:58 – I love that Jimmy looks so happy for someone else to win.

10:05 – I’m not sure how I feel about this rotating Sophia Vergaras bit. I hate to be a wet blanket but that was really sexist and demeaning. And the whole “new to the country” thing wasn’t great either.

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10:05 – Just a reminder – this happened less than 24 hours ago…..

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10:06 – I totally forgot that Lucy Liu was on television.

10:08 – I love Aaron Paul, but he doesn’t really deserve this. Jessie didn’t have much to do in the last episodes of Breaking Bad. This should have gone to Dinklage.

10:10 – I can’t even be mad. He’s so great. Plus he organized a pretty sweet Breaking Bad scavenger hunt today in honor of the show’s last Emmy awards.

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10:11 – Looks like it is time for the “bring out the dead” segment.

10:12 – Man, a lot of great people died this year. Like, it was a banner year for celebrity deaths.

10:13 – Did Paul Walker and Philip Seymour Hoffman do TV? I’m always unclear on why movie stars and others are recognized at the Emmys.

10:15 – Billy Crystal pays tribute to his friend Robin Williams. That was actually just right.

 

10:25 – Cary Fukunaga wins best direction in a drama for True Detective.

10:27 – Get used to it folks – Breaking Bad is gonna win a lot. Congrats to Anna Gunn for best supporting actress in a drama.

10:28 – What is up with that weird chime in the audio? That’s not part of the Breaking Bad theme.

10:34 – I may have just fallen asleep with my eyes open.

10:35 – Best writing in a drama goes to Breaking Bad, but not Vince Gilligan. Can’t be mad though – Ozymandias was an amazing episode.

10:35 – AGAIN WITH THE CHIMES!

10:38 – Viola Davis is really yelling out the nominees. WE CAN HEAR YOU!

10:38 – Julianna Margulies for outstanding lead actress in a drama series. Yawn. I’m sure The Good Wife is great, but I am too tired to care.

10:45 – Good that they finally got around to acknowledging Sara Bareilles’ singing during the In Memorium segment 30 minutes ago.

10:45 – Julia Roberts to announce Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama.

10:46 – Just leave the camera on Jon Hamm for the rest of the night. Please and thank you.

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10:47 – Bryan Cranston will not be denied. Sorry McConaughey! It’s tough to beat “the one that knocks.” Console yourself with your Oscar.

10:48 – Next year Hamm. Next year.

 

10:49 – “I dedicate this award to all the Sneaky Petes of the world.”

10:50 – Ugh. Jay Leno. Just – no.

10:51 – Modern Family wins for Outstanding Comedy Series. Because of course it does. Grr….

10:52 – I legitimately can’t think of anyone I know that still watched Modern Family.

10:56 – Almost done. Halle Berry is here to announce Outstanding Drama.

10:57 – Breaking Bad wins again. HBO has got to be rethinking their submission of True Detective in the drama category, no? They would have cleaned up.

10:58 – Oh BB cast – I will miss you so.

10:59 –And we’re done. Thank goodness!

Well, the Emmys proved once again that they love to stick with people and shows that have already won; most of the people taking home trophies tonight already have one on their mantel. There were some bright spots – Billy on the Street and Weird Al in particular – but otherwise this was a fairly humdrum telecast. I don’t  know what they can really do to make these awards more interesting, other than breaking from tradition and being a bit more modern in their award recipients.  Seth Myers was fine, but not great; at least he brought the telecast in on time. Right now, I’m just very glad that there aren’t any more awards shows for a while. I need a break.

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