It’s become an annual tradition – my running diary of my thoughts during the first episode of the new season of American Horror Story. I did it for Asylum and I did it for Coven, so I figured that I might as well do it for Freak Show. I feel like they have been hyping this season forever, with the barrage of teaser trailers and photos from the set. I’ll be interested to see if it can live up to the hype machine that is has created. Reportedly this will be the last season that Jessica Lange will be part of the cast, so I’m sure that they will try to send her off with some insanity. Bat shi*t crazy is this show’s bread and butter.
This season poses a particular challenge for me since one of the characters is a killer clown. I hate clowns and have hated clowns for as long as I can remember. I’d love to tell you that there is some sort of incident behind this intense dislike, but the closest I can come was a run-in with a jerky guy dressed up as Raggedy Andy when I was young. Other than that, I can’t really put my finger on where this deep seeded animosity springs from; I just know in my heart of hearts that clowns are up to no good whatsoever. Perhaps I distrust anyone that is that happy. I’ve had this postcard up on my bulletin board for as long as I can remember:
Really, clowns are one of the few things that freak me out in the slightest; I can watch all sorts of scary stuff and barely blink an eye, but introduce a clown to the occasion and I’m going to get a little nervous. Stephen King’s It was pretty much the worst thing that could ever happen to me. So my enjoyment of Freak Show is probably going to live and die with Twisty the Clown. The name already makes me uneasy.
Let the games begin…………SPOILERS ABOUND.
American Horror Story: Freak Show
9:59 – Wait…the premiere is 92 minutes? Ugh. It’s going to be a long night.
10:00 – Here we go.
10:01 – Of COURSE this takes place in Florida.
10:03 – This milkman is really going above and beyond; even after he finds the dead body he keeps searching the house.
10:04 – Jessica Lange rocking a German accent. This season already have much promise.
10:05 “It’s fine. It’s Lucky Strike. It’s good for you” Don Draper has done his job.
10:06 – Hey…that Candy Striper is Meryl Streep’s daughter. I’d love to see what Streep would do on this show. Make it happen, Ryan Murphy.
10:07 – They are really using some crazy camera angles this season. I dig it.
10:10 – I stand by my earlier statement that there are way too many clowns in the opening credits. WAY.TOO.MANY.
10:15 – Split screen to show the different perspectives of the conjoined twins – cool idea.
10:16 – We’re already discussing conjoined twin sex. We’re cutting right to the chase.
10:18 – I don’t recognize either of these actors, which means they are not long for this world.
10:18 – Right on cue – killer clown alert.
10:19 – Is this clown going to juggle? You should never trust a juggler. (Full disclosure – my brother can juggle)
10:20 – Nope – just knock them unconscious with the pins and then excessive stabbing.
10:21 – Not for nothing, that clown can haul some ass. And that image will certainly haunt my dreams
10:22 – Ha! That look Jessica Lange just shot that waitress is the same look I give people who say that they don’t get to the movies much.
10:23 – Evan Peters is apparently playing Marlon Brando this season:
10:24 – Those sunglasses are everything.
10:25 – Fisheye lens!
10:25 – I’m going to have to try this and see if it works:
10:26 – I think I’ve watched too much AHS; we’re nearly 30 minutes in and I think this is pretty tame (despite the killer clown).
10:33 – So Evan Peters has a sideline as a gigilo of sorts. Is this what women used to do in the 50s – get together for deviled eggs and to be sexually pleasured by a guy they found in the tent of a freak show?
10:36 – I stand corrected…THIS will haunt my dreams.
10:38 – Girl: “Don’t worry – your parents are never going to stop looking for you.”
Boy: “I think he killed my parents.”
10:39 – I’ll give this much to the psycho clown; he at least tries to entertain people before he gets all stabby stabby. That’s showmanship.
10:40 – Though honestly, I’d rather be killed than watch someone make balloon animals.
10:44 – Foreshadowing – when a character says “The future had never seemed brighter” and the next shot is this:
10:45 – Freak Shows have merry-go-rounds?
10:49 – Man, Dot is the Debbie Downer of the twins.
10:50 – I love that the Dot has seen all manner of freaks, but seems most upset about the bearded lady (Kathy Bates). “You heard me right diary – a lady with a beard.” *gasp* Never mind the dude that just ripped the head off a live chicken with his teeth. That sh*t’s totally normal.
10:51 – It’s Pepper!
10:57 – I’m surprised that FX let that Freak orgy on TV.
11:01 – “No flipper action” is a hilarious euphemism.
11:03 – So…..Evan Peters clearly has anger issues. Even the clown took longer to slice some people up.
11:08 – This guy is the Justin Bieber of the show – spoiled rotten.
11:09 – Plethora! That’s my word!
11:10. Edification. Harrow. The bearded lady is well read. I bet she’s great at scrabble.
11:11 – That is a lot of blue eye shadow. Like, a lot a lot.
11:11 – If you are wondering why your Freak Show is going bankrupt, it’s because the whole budget appears to have been blown on glitter.
11:12 – This may be the greatest cover of David Bowie ever (though that song wasn’t released until 1971. Semantics).
11:12 – People obviously agree with me:
11:13 – Hold up. There are TWO Peppers?
11:14 – Evan Peters winking will never get old.
11:21 – Well, Evan Peters is clearly the rabble-rouser of the freaks.
11:22 – Um. You guys. Stabbing people is kind of the clown’s thing. He’s not going to be happy.
11:24 – There’s some honest insight and emotion going on. This is not at all like American Horror Story.
11:25 – Well look at that – she’s a freak too (well-by 1950s standards).
11:26 – Eh. That was, dare I say it, kind of boring. Maybe boring isn’t the right word, but previous seasons have gotten much crazier much sooner. Ironic that the season about “freaks” is the most human so far. Except for that clown. F*ck that guy. He’s going to be a problem for me.
American Horror Story: Freak Show airs Wednesdays a 10 pm (ET) on FX.