Another live event means another running diary, where I share with you my (hopefully) witty comments and other observations that I made while watching last night’s Golden Globes. This is the last year that Amy Poehler and Tina Fey are slated to host the awards ceremony, which is a real bummer as I think that they have done a stellar job. They will be a tough act to follow. As regular readers know, I don’t put a ton of stock in the actual awards, since the Hollywood Foregin Press is like 50 people and their taste is questionable at best. However, this is the awards show that brings television and film together and the ceremony that has the reputation for everyone being drunk, so it’s usually a fun watch. At the bare minimum, there should be some good jokes and some unusual moments. For a Sunday night in January, that’s good enough for me.
So without any further ado, here’s my 2015 Golden Globes running diary…..
8:00 pm – The Amy and Tina show has begun! Watch the full monologue here:
8:01 – Not a shocker – starting off with jokes about The Interview.
8:02 – “One of the Big Eyes paintings is here tonight…..”
8:03 – The jokes are fast and furious, but a little uneven.
8:04 – “Boyhood proves that there are still great roles for women over 40, as long as you get hired when you’re under 40.”
8:06 – Tina and Amy drop some more feminism truth:
8:08 – Tina Fey’s dress is weird – the black part comes up too high and it looks like part of her body is being censored.
8:09 – First Cosby joke –
8:10 – They are not letting up on Cosby:
8:10 – Jessica Chastain looks shocked by these jokes:
8:11 – The first person to raise their hand gets to present with Jennifer Aniston:
8:11 – So that was odd – did they really just start over? Was this really not rehearsed?
8:12 – Solid win for J.K. Simmons for Whiplash. He was indeed terrifying.
8:13 – About co-star Miles Teller “He inspired me every day to want to scream at him and hit him in the face.”
8:13 – Did Simmons just mistake Lorne Michaels for a camera man?
8:14 – I hope these two (Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson) have more chemistry in Fifty Shades of Grey. They sound robotic.
8:15 – Anna Bates from Downton Abbey has her first Golden Globe. And a win over Kathy Bates no less.
8:22 – Holy hell – JLo is wearing quite the dress.
8:22 – Whoo-hoo. Fargo for the win!
8:25 – Jeremy Renner says to J Lo – “You’ve got the globes too.” Stop being a creeper Hawkeye.
8:25 – Billy Bob Thornton keeps it short and sweet with his acceptance speech for best actor in a mini-series. The bloom is apparently officially off the True Detective rose.
8:33 – Benedict Cumberbatch photobombing was the best bit of that awkward bit with the fake North Korean writer (Margaret Cho) and Meryl Streep. He’s going for MVP of the Golden Globes.
8:34 – Dear cameraman/camerawoman, don’t cut to the audience when people are clearly not paying attention.
8:36 – Is Cumberbatch changing jackets? He was just wearing a white jacket and now he’s back in black. Is he doing costume changes all night?
8:37 – Cumberbatch mystery solved – not a white jacket, just his dress shirt. Sherlock is unfortunately not pulling off some elaborate Diana Ross-style wardrobe changes. That should have been pretty obvious, but I’ve had a few beers at this point.
8:37 – I have missed Bryan Cranston. Not sure what exactly Kerry Washington is wearing.
8:37 – WTF??? This chick Gina Rodriguez from Jane the Virgin just beat Julia Louis-Dreyfus? HELLS NO. Signs she shouldn’t have won – she was apparently sitting in another freaking ballroom for the length of time it took her to get to the stage.
8:39 – OK. I’ve calmed down. Maybe I should be watching Jane the Virgin. She gave a nice speech: “Today is a great day, I can and I did.”
8:40 – Transparent wins for best comedy. Is that Amazon’s first Golden Globe win?
8:41 – These camerapeople suck; I love Cranston as much as the next person, but don’t waste camera time on him while the person who actually won the award is giving her speech.
8:46 – Not Melissa McCarthy’s best look. The bow on that dress is not working for me.
8:47 – Isn’t it kind of weird that McCarthy is introducing her own movie?
8:48 – Vince Vaughn – I don’t get why I like him; I just do.
8:49 – The very alliterative Johann Johannsson wins best score for Theory of Everything.
8:50 – I legitimately thought that might be Amy Poehler in a costume when Prince walked out.
8:51 – What’s up with Prince’s cane/walking stick? How long has he been using that?
8:52 – John Legend and Common win for best original song for Selma. Oprah is losing her sh*t. John Legend’s wife (Chrissy Tiegen) just became a meme:
8:53 – They are being pretty liberal with the time for speeches, which means some poor schmoes are going to get played off pretty quickly later in the evening.
8:59 – Katie Holmes looks tired.
9:00 – Alan Cumming makes me laugh.
9:01 – Controversial statement – I didn’t like The Normal Heart. The actors were good, including winner Matt Bomer; just thought it was too slow.
9:02 – I never remember what Clive Owen looks like. So I’m constantly surprised when he appears.
9:03 – Ricky Gervais time. Let’s see what happens. I appreciate he came up on stage with a drink.
9:04 – He didn’t butcher sweet Quvenzhané Wallis’ name, but he didn’t get it right either.
9:05 – Amy Adams wins for Big Eyes. She pretty clearly didn’t think she was going to win.
9:07 – That was a weird, long camera shot of Frances McDormand.
9:13 – Selma Hayek has no patience for Kevin Hart.
9:15 – The LEGO Movie didn’t win best animated feature? That’s a big upset for How to Train Your Dragon 2.
9:17 – Jared Leto speaking French in a braid. Women across the nation swoon.
9:18 – Keira Knightly is wearing a doily.
9:19 – Patrica Arquette winning best supporting actress for Boyhood is a reminder that I still need to see Boyhood.
9:21 – We haven’t seen Amy and Tina for a while. Let’s remedy that soon.
9:25 – Someone must have heard me. But unfortunately they are doubling down with this Margaret Cho bit.
9:26 – Margaret Cho marching across the stage was weird enough to be amusing.
9:28 – Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader are beating this joke into the ground, then flipping it over and beating it some more. Kind of like SNL.
9:30 – Birdman wins for best screenplay. Has anyone brought a fedora before to accept a Golden Globe? This is a night for firsts.
9:32 – Everyone is shiny and sweaty. It’s not a good look. There must be a lot of drinking and coke use furnace issue.
9:34 – Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda – a mini-9 to 5 reunion!
9:34 – The Golden Globes are like one long infomercial; everyone is promoting something.
9:35 – Louis C.K. doesn’t like his chances in this category:
9:35 – Yay! Jeffrey Tambor wins his first Golden Globe!
9:43 – Lupita Nyong’o is too damn beautiful. Her dress is on point.
9:43 – I have seen none of these foreign language films. I’ve got some homework to do.
9:45 – Adrian Brody – another affinity I cannot explain.
9:46 – Maggie Gyllenhaal wins best actress in a miniseries, etc. for The Honorable Woman. Great show; definitely worth watching.
9:47 – I am fairly certain that Frances McDormand came in character from Olive Kitteridge. Either that or she’s the new Grumpy Cat.
9:48 – I love that the Gyllenhaal siblings came as each other’s dates.
9:53 – Ha! “And I’m Blake Shelton.” Paul Rudd is adorable.
9:54 – Apparently the cameraperson didn’t expect The Affair to win either.
9:55 – I don’t know if I would be thanking someone for being the inspiration for a show called The Affair.
9:56 – There is an upcoming comedy called Dad’s Army? That sounds dreadful.
9:58 – That right there was some awkward banter by Katherine Heigl.
9:59 – Heigl can’t figure out an envelope. I’m not super surprised.
10:00 – Kevin Spacey with a unsurprising win for House of Cards. Also not a shock – he used his Frank Underwood voice.
10:01 – What on Earth did Spacey just say to get bleeped and earn this reaction:
10:07 – Julianna Margulies and Don Cheadle here for the Clooney fete.
10:08 – Clooney did not find that Monument Men joke funny.
10:08 – F.O.G. – Friend of George
10:09 – I’m going to be very disappointed if they don’t work in some Roseanne, Golden Girls and Facts of Life clips in this retrospective.
10:10 – The South Park clip was a surprise.
10:11 – Since the Golden Globes left them out, here you go……#neverforget
10:15 – Clooney’s initial profession of love to his wife got a surprisingly tepid response. Is it possible that he thinks he’s getting this award for finally getting hitched again?
10:23 – Harrison Ford pretends to be interested in awarding best director.
10:24 – Richard Linklater wins for Boyhood and looks nothing like I imaged.
10:25 – What is up with the kid from Boyhood’s hair?
10:26 – Adorable couple alert – Anna Farris and Chris Pratt.
10:26 – Ruth Wilson wins for The Affair. I guess this is another show I should check out, though the reviews I’ve heard haven’t been great.
10:27 – Ruth Wilson’s voice and accent makes it sound like everything she’s saying is sarcastic.
10:28 – Dominic West’s butt gets a shout out. That’s the most love The Wire ever got at an award show.
10:33 – Michael Keaton wins for Birdman, but more importantly we got to see John Krasinski as Keaton walked to the stage.
10:34 – Keaton’s right – I like that the Golden Globes has a category just for comedies.
10:35 – Surprise twist – Michael Keaton’s name isn’t Michael Keaton. Also, he was born in a hallway. And he’s Batman. This is a man of many mysteries.
10:36 – I wonder if this speech is building to some sort of confession or announcement.
10:37 – Michael Keaton’s BFF, his son, is handsome.
10:37 – Oprah’s on stage, so we must cut to a shot of Gail in the audience.
10:38 – I’d love to eavesdrop on whatever Ethan Hawke and Matthew McConaughey are discussing so animatedly.
10:43 – Someone screwed up – my broadcast came back mid-Channing Tatum. This is unacceptable.
10:44 – Connie Britton knows what’s up
10:45 – Grand Budapest Hotel wins for best comedy or musical. I’m not going to argue.
10:46 – The cast of Grand Budapest Hotel couldn’t decide whether to go up on stage or not.
10:46 – Wes Anderson’s speech is getting laughs, but I’m guessing it’s too insider baseball for most people watching (he’s naming the members of the Hollywood Foreign Press).
10:47 – If I move my blog to another country, can I be a member of the Hollywood Foreign Press? A notion worth exploring.
10:51 – I dig Tina Fey’s tuxedo outfit.
10:51 – Matthew McConaughey seems extra Texas-y this evening.
10:52 – Julianne Moore wins for Just Alice; I just watched Carrie last night, so this is a weird juxtaposition.
10:53 –Gwyneth Paltrow here to announce best actor in a drama.
10:54 – Eddie Redmayne wins for The Theory of Everything. A bit of a surprise in a stacked category, but his transformation as Stephen Hawking is spectacular.
10:55 – I have to say – the speeches tonight have generally been very good and heartfelt.
10:59 – We all miss Tina and Amy, Meryl. We barely saw them all night.
11:01 – Boyhood wins for best drama. This is not a good night for Selma, Foxcatcher and The Imitation Game.
11:02 – That’s a wrap. The 72nd Golden Globes are in the books.
All in all, not a bad awards show. Not enough Tina and Amy, but that’s how these things generally work – after the monologue, you rarely see the hosts. Some surprise winners and some TV shows that I apparently have to start watching, but nothing all that buzzworthy or exciting happened. I thought most of the jokes went on just a beat or two too long; good ideas, but they should have been shorter.