2017 Golden Globes Running Diary

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The beginning of a new year means one thing – award season is about to heat up. Smaller ceremonies have already begun to separate the wheat from the chaff, but the Golden Globes is the first major ceremony on the way to the Academy Awards. Of course, the Golden Globes is unique since it recognizes achievement in both TV and films and the honorees are selected by a very small group of foreign journalists who often make some very bizarre decisions. The Hollywood Foreign Press Association (HFPA) seem to have settled down in the last few years, but that means that they are probably overdue for some wacky selections. I generally think that the Golden Globes are kind of worthless because of this, but since this is also the award ceremony where everyone gets very drunk, there is the potential for something interesting to happen. Jimmy Fallon is hosting this year, which probably means that the ceremony will be relatively non-controversial compared to previous years, but hopefully he does something fun with it. I’d rather be watching Sherlock, but the work of a blogger is never done.

And away we go……

8:00 – Yay – A La La Land tribute to start.

 

8:01 – Jimmy and Nicole Kidman – what could have been.

8:02 – That Westworld joke made me laugh

8:02 – Haha…..Jon Snow

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8:03 – Eleven shows off her mad rapping skills:

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8:03 – Barb lives!

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8:04 – The Fallon/Timberlake bromance is still going strong.

8:05 – LOL – the teleprompter is already down…30 seconds into the live show. Let the madness begin.

8:06 – “The Golden Globes – one of the few places left where America still honors the popular vote.”

8:07 – “No one is gonna thank O.J.” Solid point, but the Chris Rock impression was probably ill advised.

8:08 – That King Joffrey/Trump joke didn’t land well. Maybe the audience is still a few seasons behind on Game Of Thrones and are mad Fallon just spoiled that plot point.

8:09 – That Matt Damon/Batman vs Superman quip didn’t work either.

8:09 – I’m surprised that the audience isn’t responding better to these Trump jokes. Though people may think Fallon is overcompensating due to previous criticism about his handling of Trump.

8:09 -Questlove DJing – cut to an old guy that has no idea what is happening

8:09 – Ryan Reynolds and Emma Stone present best supporting actor in a motion picture. I hate that presenters come from the audience.

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8:10 Well that is a surprise – Aaron Taylor-Johnson for Nocturnal Animals. Good money should have been on Mahershala Ali for Moonlight. He’ll fare better at the Oscars.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 08: In this handout photo provided by NBCUniversal, Aaron Taylor-Johnson accepts the award for Best Supporting Actor In A Motion Picture for his role in "Nocturnal Animals" during the 74th Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 8, 2017 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Paul Drinkwater/NBCUniversal via Getty Images)

Photo by Paul Drinkwater/NBCUniversal via Getty Images

8:11 Wait – this dude is British? How did I not know this?

8:12 Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Priyanka Chopra present best actor in a TV series drama.

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8:13 – Billy Bob Thornton will for his Amazon series Goliath. I am now two for two having not seen the performance that has won. I’m a terrible pop culturist.

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8:14 – Billy Bob thanks the Foreign Press for letting him beat Bob Odenkirk, who he’s had a feud with “since 1940.”

8:20 – Well that was weird – they announced Hugh Grant  as a  Golden Globe winner for Florence Foster Jenkins – an award that they haven’t even presented yet. Then Jimmy came out to tell a joke and re-introduced Hugh Grant. That was weird, but the joke was sort of timely “I just got off the phone with Mariah Carey and she thinks Dick Clark productions sabotaged my monologue.”

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8:21 – Grant is here to introduce Florence Foster Jenkins, which he doesn’t do particularly well. It’s nominated for best comedy or musical.

8:22 – Drew Barrymore and Timothy Olyphant here to present best actress in a comedy series or musical.

8:23 – Tracee Ellis Ross wins for Black-ish which I also don’t watch (but I’ve heard good things). She’s a first time winner – and the first black woman to win since 1983.

8:25 – So far, hers is the best speech of the night.

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8:25 – Olyphant and Barrymore are back to present best comedy series or musical.

8:26 – Hallejuliah! Atlanta wins, which is not only well-deserved, but a show that I watch.

8:27 – Donald Glover’s brown tux is pretty great.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 08: In this handout photo provided by NBCUniversal, creator, executive producer and actor Donald Glover accepts the award for Best Television Series - Musical or Comedy for the series "Atlanta" during the 74th Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 8, 2017 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Paul Drinkwater/NBCUniversal via Getty Images)

Photo by Paul Drinkwater/NBCUniversal via Getty Images

8:27 – Glover gives Migos a shoutout for their song “Bad and Boujee.” They appeared on Atlanta, but I’m guessing this reference confused 50% of the Golden Globes audience. Keep up with your hip hip, people.

8:28 – Wait – we need more of Keith Stanfield dancing!

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8:33 – Fallon is back to introduce the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press – the head of one of the most mysterious cabals in Hollywood.

8:34 – Vince Vaughn is here to introduce Hacksaw Ridge, a best picture drama nominee.

8:35 – Nicole Kidman and Reese Witherspoon here to present best lead actress in a limited series or TV movie.

 Paul Drinkwater/Courtesy of NBC/Handout via REUTERS

Paul Drinkwater/Courtesy of NBC/Handout via REUTERS

8:36 – Good job Hollywood Foreign Press – that’s two in a row that you got right. Sarah Paulson for her role in American Crime Story: The People vs. OJ Simpson.

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8:38 – Kidman and Witherspoon are back to present best limited series or TV movie. I feel like these awards are in a weird order. Like what about lead actor in a limited series?

8:39 – No shocker here – American Crime Story: The People vs OJ Simpson continues its winning streak from the Emmys.

8:45 – And now DJ Julia Louis-Dreyfus on the 1s and 2s.

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8:45 – Annette Bening is here to present her film, 20th Century Women, which is in consideration for best picture, musical or comedy.

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8:47 – Matt Bomer and Naomi Campbell (weird combo) here to present best supporting actor in a series, limited series or motion picture made for television.

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8:48 – The American Crime Story monolpoly comes to an end – Hugh Laurie wins for The Night Manger, which I really enjoyed (but Sterling K. Brown was ROBBED).

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8:49 – Solid joke from Laurie – Of course [it’s] more amazing because I’ll be able to say I won this at the last ever Golden Globes.I don’t mean to be gloomy, it’s just that it has the words ‘Hollywood,’ ‘Foreign,’ and ‘Press’ in the title. I also think to some Republicans even the word ‘association’ is sketchy.”

 

8:50 – Sofia Vergara introduces Miss Golden Globes, the daughters of Sylvester Stallone and Jennifer Flavin. And she once again pokes fun at her accent, which is getting a little old. She shouldn’t have to mock herself all the time.

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8:51 – Sting and Carrie Underwood here to introduce the nominees for  best original score in a motion picture (after Fallon tried to shoehorn in a Sting impression).

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8:52 –Justin Hurwitz wins for La La Land.

8:54 – Sting and Underwood return to present Best Original Song.

8:55 – Another win for La La Land. Sorry Lin-Manuel Miranda.

9:00 – John Legend is here to introduce La La Land. His name was spelled wrong on his nametag. Get it together Golden Globes!

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9:02 – Michael Keaton is here to present best supporting actress in a motion picture. If you don’t watch The Tonight Show, you may have thought that Fallon was having a stroke with his intro of Keaton.

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9:03 – Even the Hollywood Foreign Press couldn’t mess this one up – the amazing Viola Davis wins for Fences.

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9:04 – For real – just give Davis an award for everything she wants. She is perfection.

 

9:09 – Kristen Bell and Cuba Gooding, Jr. are here to present Best Actress in a limited series. Gooding is yelling a lot, but isn’t yelling “Show me the money” which is progress.

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9:10 – Olivia Colman wins for The Night Manager. She isn’t in attendance – I wonder if Jimmy Fallon has the same rules about this as Jimmy Kimmel.

9:10 – Dov Patel and Sunny Pawar. Damn that kid is cute – Patel ain’t so bad either. They are here to introduce Lion.

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9:12 – Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn here to present best actor in a comedy or musical. No one can do ditzy like Hawn, but this material is below her.

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9:15 – Ryan Gosling wins for La La Land. He’s just so charming. Losers Ryan Reynolds and Andrew Garfield decide to kiss to console each other.

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9:16 – Dear Lord – with the speech he somehow became even more swoon-worthy. How is that even possible?

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9:20 – Felicity Jones and Diego Luna present best screenplay. I am told that these are Star Wars people.

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9:22 – Another win for La La Land.

9:23 – Kristen Wiig and Steve Carell are here to present best animated film. “Good evening peers and regular people.”

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9:25 – Man, the world needs more Steve Carell.

9:26 – This bit is perfection. Straight perfection. Wiig and Carell should host next year. This is the only funny thing that has happened all night.

 

9:27 – Zootopia wins, which is almost beside the point after that hilarity.

9:29 – A tribute to Carrie Fischer and Debbie Reynolds.

9:34 – Casey Affleck takes the mic to introduce his film Manchester By The Sea.

9:36 – Chris Hemsworth and Gal Gadot present best foreign language film, but more importantly, built a bridge between DC and Marvel.

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9:36 – Elle wins and their table had a very delayed reaction to this news.

9:38 – Anna Kendrick and Justin Theroux are here to present best actor in a limited series and to look pretty.

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9:40 – The Night Manager continues to pick up awards as Tom Hiddleston wins.

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9:42 – His speech pays tribute to the aid workers of the UN Children’s Fund in South Sudan. It’s kind of hard to think what he and Taylor Swift used to talk about.

 

9:43 – Christian Slater is trying to make heads or tales of this rambling.

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9:47 – Jake Gyllenhaal is here to introduce Deadpool for some reason; he’s not in the movie. But more Gyllenhaal is always a good thing. And that’s two Swift exes back to back.

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9:48 – LOL – they were very limited on what they could show from Deadpool

9:49 – Laura Dern and Jon Hamm are here to present best actress in a TV series drama. Hamm is rocking a magnificent beard.

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9:50 – Claire Foy wins for The Crown, which I am watching on my lunch break at work. It’s great.

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9:51 – “The world could do with a few more women at the center of it.” Preach, sister.

 

9:52 – Hamm and Dern back to present best TV series, drama.

9:52 – The HFPA likes royalty – The Crown wins.

9:54 – DJ Questlove is savage – plays off their speech and then tweets about it:

9:58 – More Viola Davis. This is always a good thing.

9:59 – She’s making me hungry with all this talk of apple pie and collard greens.

10:00 – I had legit no idea where this was going, but Davis is here to present Meryl Streep with the the Cecil B. DeMille Award.

10:01 – Do they give awards for presenting awards?

10:05 – I’m impressed that they snuck a The River Wild clip into this montage.

10:07 – That reaction shot of the audience was a lot of women who lost roles or awards to Streep.

 

10:09 – Who knew Streep had beef with Mixed Martial Arts?

Jan 8, 2017; Beverly Hills, CA, USA; Meryl Streep receives the Cecil B. Demille Award during the 74th Golden Globe Awards at Beverly Hilton. Mandatory Credit: Paul Drinkwater/NBC via USA TODAY NETWORK *** Please Use Credit from Credit Field ***

Paul Drinkwater/NBC via USA TODAY NETWORK

10:11 – Meryl Wikipedia-ed the hell out of this audience.

10:13 – She ends with a quote from her friend Carrie Fisher: “Take your broken heart. Make it into art.”

10:14 – Great speech – totally on point. (And as expected – Trump tweeted about it).

10:17 – Chris Pratt doing what Chris Pratt does best in the montage of actors talking about their first jobs.

10:19 – Chris Pine is here to present the movie Hell or High Water and enter his beard in the Golden Globes beard contest.

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10:21 – Ben Affleck, Sienna Miller and Zoe Saldana here to present Best Director.

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10:22 – Another win for La La Land. Let the backlash begin!

10:24 – Mandy Moore and Jess Milo Ventimiglia are here to present best actor in a comedy or musical series. I am not digging the stache.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 08: In this handout photo provided by NBCUniversal, presenters Milo Ventimiglia (L) and Mandy Moore onstage during the 74th Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 8, 2017 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Paul Drinkwater/NBCUniversal via Getty Images) 

10:25 – Another great win for Donald Glover.

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10:27 – He has a kid? This is news to me.

 

10:31 – Matt Damon is presenting best actress for motion picture in a musical or comedy and pokes fun at his win for The Martian last year. “That fact alone is funnier than literally anything in The Martian.”

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10:33 – Emma Stone wins for La La Land, which is actually deserved.

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10:35 – Pierce Brosnon is here to introduce Sing Street. This is on my list to see. I’m guessing it will be right up my alley.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 08: In this handout photo provided by NBCUniversal, presenter Pierce Brosnan onstage during the 74th Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 8, 2017 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Paul Drinkwater/NBCUniversal via Getty Images)

Photo by Paul Drinkwater/NBCUniversal via Getty Images)

10:41 – Brad Pitt gets a nice ovation in one of his first appearances since the end of Brangelina. He’s here to introduce Moonlight, which is a beautiful movie and should have won more awards.

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10:42 – Jessica Chastain and Eddie Redmayne get a rapping intro from Fallon. They are here to award the best motion picture, musical or comedy. This shouldn’t be a surprise based on all the previous awards. And Fallon is trying a little too hard.

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10:43 – Yup – as expected. La La Land sweeps.

 

10:44 – Fun fact – La La Land was originally supposed to star Miles Teller and Emma Watson. I cannot even imagine what Teller would have looked like in that role.

10:50 – Brie Larson presents Best Actor in a motion picture.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 08: In this handout photo provided by NBCUniversal, presenter Brie Larson onstage during the 74th Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 8, 2017 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Paul Drinkwater/NBCUniversal via Getty Images)

Photo by Paul Drinkwater/NBCUniversal via Getty Images)

10:50 – Casey Affleck wins for his powerful performance in Manchester By The Sea.

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10:51 – I love that Busy Phillips is always Michelle Williams’ date. They are so adorable.

10:57 – Leonardo DiCaprio is here to present best actress in a motion picture. He’s been suspiciously low profile tonight.

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10:58 – Huh. Isabelle Huppert wins for Elle. I thought Natalie Portman had this in the bag. But the trailer for Elle did look good, so maybe the HFPA knows what they are doing.

This image released by NBC shows Isabelle Huppert accepting the award for best actress in a motion picture drama for her role in "Elle" at the 74th Annual Golden Globe Awards at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills, Calif., on Sunday, Jan. 8, 2017. (Paul Drinkwater/NBC via AP)/NYET788/17009155763311/AP PROVIDES ACCESS TO THIS HANDOUT PHOTO TO BE USED SOLELY TO ILLUSTRATE NEWS REPORTING OR COMMENTARY ON THE FACTS OR EVENTS DEPICTED IN THIS IMAGE. THIS IMAGE MAY ONLY BE USED FOR 14 DAYS FROM TIME OF TRANSMISSION; NO ARCHIVING; NO LICENSING./1701090532

 (Paul Drinkwater/NBC via AP)

 

11:00 – Carl Weathers and Sylvester Stallone (?) are here to present Best Picture Drama. It’s the 40th anniversary of Rocky, but that still seems like a stretch.

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11:01 – Hot damn! It’s Moonlight! Nice work Hollywood Foreign Press Association.

 

11:03 – And…..it’s over. Thank the gods, old and new, for that.

The Golden Globes went pretty much as expected tonight, with a few minor surprises thrown in to keep things moderately interesting. I liked Fallon’s cold open, but the rest of his material didn’t really work. He just never hit the right tone and leaned a little too  much on stuff that works on his late night show. He wasn’t a disaster, but I didn’t miss him when he was off stage. I still think Amy Poehler and Tina Fey were the best hosts in recent years and Fallon did nothing to challenge that. I never love the Golden Globes, but it is a good warm-up for the marathon that is award season. It’s hard to read too much into the results, but I’ve been predicting a Moonlight/La La Land showdown at the Oscars and they did both win the big award in their respective categories. So I guess we’ll see if La La Land can keep up the momentum or if it loses steam.

Heather Watches the 2016 Golden Globes

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It’s that time of year again for awards season to kick into high gear with the Golden Globes. The Globes are always a weird night – the winners are often odd, the booze is flowing and television and movie stars are trapped together in a room. Ricky Gervais was back again to host after taking a few years off; I like Gervais, but I’ll miss the comedy stylings of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Gervais spends way too much time trying to be edgy and pretending he doesn’t care about any of this, but I thinks he doth protest too much. I’ll admit that I’m not much into the Globes this year and would have preferred to go to bed, but a blogger’s life is full of sacrifices.

As always, I kept a running diary of my thoughts of the show.

Red Carpet coverage – skipped this completely. I was far too invested in the Packers/Washington football team playoff game to switch the channel to hear awkward banter. I have enough of that in my life already.

Watch the full monologue here.

8 pm – Topical Sean Penn jokes kicks things off. Like that Ricky Gervais has a beer on the podium.

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8:01 – Shots fired at NBC’s zero Golden Globe nominations.

8:03 – This material about Jeffrey Tambor and Transparent isn’t working; Ricky – you can do better.

8:05 – “Remember if you do win tonight, no one cares about that award as much as you do. Don’t get emotional, it’s embarrassing.”

8:08 – Jonah Hill as the bear in The Revenant.

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8:09 – Hill is getting bleeped a lot. This premise could have worked, but it does not.

8:10 – Jane Fonda is not amused by ANY of this.

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8:11 – Kate Winslet wins best supporting actress in a flim for Steve Jobs and looks very surprised by this. She’s pulling a Taylor Swift.

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8:12 – They really need to have a clearer path for the winners to get to the stage.

8:13 – Important reminder – Winslet’s hubby is named Nick Rocknroll.

8:14 – The Rock and J Lo to present best supporting actress on TV. That’s a lot of attractiveness on the stage.

Photo by Paul Drinkwater/NBCUniversal via Getty Images

8:15 – Maura Tierney and her glasses wins for The Affair.

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8:20 – Andy Samberg here to present best actress in a comedy TV series.

8:21 – I would actually pay to see the guitar dude from Mad Max: Fury Road to play the In Memorium segment.

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8:22 – Whoa – Rachel Bloom wins for Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Did not see that one coming.

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8:23 – Uh – there was already a musical comedy on network television. It’s called Galavant and it’s awesome.

8:24 – Oy. Taraji P. Henson and Terrence Howard to present best TV comedy. Are they contractually obligated to do everything together?

8:25 – Amazon’s Mozart in the Jungle wins – a show I just realized was a thing like two weeks ago.

8:26 – Viola Davis is here to present a scene from Carol. Shine bright like a diamond, Viola.

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8:33 – Brad Pitt appears to be the only person paying attention to the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press’ speech.

8:34 – Ben Affleck cheating BURN.

8:35 – Isn’t it weird to have Matt Damon present a scene from his own movie?

8:36 – Odd pairing Bryce Dallas Howard and Orlando Bloom present best limited series or TV movie.

8:37 – Wolf Hall wins, marking the first award going to something that I actually have seen.

8:39 – Amber Heard and Jamie Alexander need to get their act together. They are doing a terrible job of presenting best actor in a limited series or TV movie

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8:40 – I can’t argue with Oscar Issac’s win, but David Oyelowo is amazing in Nightingale.

8:45 – Jason Statham, Melissa McCarthy and director Paul Feig present Spy.

8:46 – I enjoy Statham doing comedy.

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8:47 – Tom Ford and Lady Gaga present best actor in TV series.

8:48 – Christian Slater wins for Mr. Robot, a series that I quite enjoy.

8:50 – Jamie Foxx and Lily James present original score in a motion picture.

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8:51 – Foxx is such a creeper. Even Denzel looks bewildered.

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8:52 – Will Smith might be the only person enjoying this.

8:53 – Foxx pulls Steve Harvey and give the award to Straight Outta Compton. Real winner is The Hateful Eight, which Tarantino accepts for Ennio Morricone.

8:54 – Tarantino just called movie composing “the ghetto.” I’m sure that will be well received.

8:54 – Also – Tarantino’s speech was factually inaccurate; Morricone has previously won a ton of awards, including two Golden Globes.

8:55 – Foxx introduces his daughter as Miss Golden Globe, whom I assume he will not hit on.

8:56 – Ricky’s beer is getting pretty low.

8:56 – America Ferrera and Eve Longoria having some fun with the fact that they are mistaken for other Latina actresses before presenting best actor in a TV drama. This is a legit stacked category.

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8:57 – WHOO-HOO!!! Jon Hamm wins for Mad Men. This has made the last hour worthwhile.

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9:03 – The awesomeness continues with Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Schumer. They’re here to present clips from Trainwreck and Joy.

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9:04 – Unexpectedly, they are adorable.

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9:06 – Amy Adams is here to present best actor in a comedy.

9:07 – Why do they have Mark Ruffalo sitting in the dark?

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9:07 – Matt Damon wins for The Martian, which is not really a comedy but whatever.

9:14 – Keeping it in the family, Kurt Russell and Kate Hudson present best animated film.

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9:15 – The closest thing to a lock tonight – Inside Out gets the win.

9:16 – Ryan Gosling and Brad Pitt are almost too handsome for this stage. They’re here to present a clip from The Big Short.

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9:19 – J.K. Simmons and Patricia Arquette present best supporting actor in a motion picture.

9:20 – I love that they are playing the Rocky theme as Sylvester Stallone accepts his win. And a standing ovation to boot!

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9:21 – Glad Stallone won, but he really should have thanked Michael B. Jordan and Ryan Coogler.

9:23 – Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg are here to present in silly glasses.

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9:25 – Haha – they are making fun of the TV people seated in the back.

9:27 – Aaron Sorkin wins best screenplay for Steve Jobs.

9:28 – Supergirl and The Flash present for best actor in a comedy series.

9:29 – Aziz Ansari – amazing!

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9:33 – UPSET ALERT – Jeffrey Tambor does not win! Gael Garcia Bernal wins for Mozart in the Jungle, which the Foreign Press apparently loves.

9:37 – Helen Mirren and Gerard Butler present best foreign language film.

9:37 – Mirren tells Butler that he looks good for his age 😉

9:39 – Hungry wins for Son of Saul.

9:40 – Gervais is right – this show could be half an hour.

9:41 – Kevin Hart and Ken Jeong are in fact short. They’re presenting best actress in a limited series.

 

9:43- Proof that the Hollywood Foregin Press are crazy – they just gave Lady Gaga a Golden Globe for American Horror Story: Hotel.

9:44 – Watch Leo’s face in this Vine. #Priceless

 

9:45 – There are some very weird cutaways during these speeches – especially to people who are not paying attention.

9:46 – Take it down a notch Gaga. I’m sure that you’re excited to win, but you didn’t cure cancer.

 

9:50 – Now Katy Perry is presenting. Did this morph into the Grammys? And is she wearing a bumpit?

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9:51 – It’s not a surprise that the song from Spectre won, but that doesn’t mean that I have to like it.

9:53 – Well Ricky Gervais certainly went after Mel Gibson in such a way that I seriously thought that Gibson wasn’t actually there. That was

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9:54 – The uncensored version of what Gervais said when he came back out on stage:

9:54 – Whatever Gibson said to Gervais, it was bleeped out and shocked Alan Cumming.

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9:56 – Gorgeous duo Olivia Wilde and John Krasinki to present best drama series.

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9:57 – Yay! Mr. Robot wins. The Globes make no sense, but sometimes they make fun picks.

9:59 – I would literally pay $1,000,000 to find out what Jane Fonda and Terrence Howard could possibly be chatting about.

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10:02 – Now here’s Tom Hanks to try and lend some class to this dumpster fire of an award show. He’s here to present Denzel with the Cecil B. DeMille award.

10:08 – It’s clear from that montage that there are a surprising number of Denzel Washington movies that I’ve never seen.

10:12 – It’s sweet that Denzel brought up his whole family. Here’s his speech.

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10:19 – Does Chris Evans have a slight speech impediment? He seems to have trouble with words “story,” “abuse” and “church” in introducing Spotlight.

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10:20 – Person in the audience – do not “whoop” for the city of Boston when it is preceded by “rocked by sex abuse scandal.”

10:23 – Moran Freeman presents best director in a motion picture and has surprisingly worked with none of the candidates.

10:24 – Alejandro G. Inarritu wins for The Revenant, which I hope to see this week.

10:25 – Two people I don’t care about give Taraji P. Henson her award for Empire.

10:26 – Haha – Taraji hands out cookies on her way to the stage.

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10:27 – Dude! Do NOT step on her train!

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10:28 – Word to the producers – if you know what’s best for you, do not play off Taraji. I sincerely believe that she’ll rough you up.

10:31 – Michael Keaton to present best actress in a comedy. Fingers crossed that it’s Amy Schumer! I’d love to hear her speech.

10:32 – Eh. Jennifer Lawrence is always great. Didn’t love Joy but always love her. She and A Shu hug it out.

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10:33- I’ve got bad news for you JLaw – Kentucky is not a hometown.

10:34 – Maggie Gyllenhaal introduces clips from Room. She always seems so regal and composed. Though I’m not fully on board with that dress.

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10:39 – Tobey Maguire introduces clips from fellow “p*ssy posse” member Leonardo DiCaprio’s film The Revenant

10:41 – Jim Carey has two Golden Globes. Let that sink in.

10:42 – Actually, he’s pretty funny. That’s a low bar tonight, but I’m finding him amusing. He’s here to present best motion picture comedy. And his beard is amazing.

Photo by Paul Drinkwater/NBCUniversal via Getty Images

Photo by Paul Drinkwater/NBCUniversal via Getty Images

10:43 – The Globes is committing to their nonsense about The Martian being a comedy by also giving this award. Great movie, that also has some laughs, but it is not a comedy.

10:51 – Eddie Redmayne presents best actress in a drama; has to put up with Ricky Gervais’ silly intro about his role in The Danish Girl.

10:52 – Hooray for Brie Larson, who has been overlooked in Hollywood for too long. She’s good in everything.

73rd ANNUAL GOLDEN GLOBE AWARDS -- Pictured: (l-r) Brie Larson, "Room", Winner, Best Actress - Motion Picture, Drama at the 73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards held at the Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 10, 2016 -- (Photo by: Paul Drinkwater/NBC)

Photo by: Paul Drinkwater/NBC

10:52 – This also seems like the appropriate time to say that the father of her young co-star is very attractive:

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10:53 – Julianne Moore presents best actor in a drama.

10:54 – Leo wins. Everyone is happy. He still wants a goddamn Oscar.

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10:57 – We almost got through this show without anyone talking about issues, but Leonardo gets a plea for the protection of indigenous people in just under the wire.

11:02 – The Golden Globes brings it home with Harrison Ford presenting the award for best drama.

11:03 – The Revenant is the big winner.

11:04 – Inexplicable reaction shot of Jon Hamm, but I’m not complaining.

11:05 – Tom Hardy apparently does not do awards shows. This is not surprising.

11:06 – Thank goodness this foolishness is over.

So as far as awards shows go, I’m going to say that this one was pretty terrible. Gervais was only occasionally funny and a lot of his “edgy” material was pretty dated. Plus I don’t really understand the point of having a host that consistently wants to complain about how little these awards matter and how he doesn’t want to be there; a little self-deprecation is totally fine and welcome, but after a while it’s like “if you are so miserable, why are you here?” I’m all for edgy if it’s also funny, which most of his jokes were not. Same goes for a lot of the presenters, who suffered from bits that just didn’t work or from their sheer lack of giving a shit about what they were doing. Of course, then there were the people who went in the opposite direction, like Lady Gaga’s over the top acceptance speech. I’m never going to love the Golden Globes, but they were a much more enjoyable mess when Tina and Amy were hosting. Maybe have Brad Pitt and Ryan Glosling do it; they were the surprise comedy duo of the evening. This awards show was instantly forgettable – thank goodness that I took notes while watching it or I would have forgotten most of it. I think Rob Lowe’s reaction sums it up best:

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2014 Golden Globes

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Another awards ceremony happened over the weekend, so you know what that means – another one of my famous (infamous) running diaries. Last night I took my show on the road and went over to my friend Kristin’s house to watch the Golden Globes. She put out quite the spread – shrimp, veggies with hummus and crab spinach artichoke dip – but she decided that since the Globes were not as classy as the Oscars, our beverage of choice would be Pabst Blue Ribbon rather than champagne. This was a wise and welcome decision – PBR is always the right choice.

Now that I’ve set the scene, read along with my real-time thoughts and comments on the 2014 Golden Globes. All times are eastern:

7-8 pm – Red Carpet

I’ll admit that I was only kind of half watching the red carpet interviews since I generally thing that they are completely vapid and meaningless. That being said, you know that I totally paid attention once I heard Jennifer Lawrence was coming up, so I definitely caught her hilarious walk up the stairs while Taylor Swift was being interviewed:

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Which was followed by this nugget of awesome, where JLaw spoke for all of America:

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Jennifer Lawrence – you are a national treasure.

This unfortunately led to Swift sticking around for most of Lawrence’s interview and they unfortunately seem friendly; they at least text each other. But we collectively decided that JLaw was just being nice and really can’t stand Swift. The idea of them paling around is just too upsetting.

I missed this, but Elisabeth Moss flipped off the “mani cam,” which frankly I think is the only reasonable response to such foolishness.

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8:00 -11:00 pm – Golden Globe Ceremony

8:00 – Yay! It’s Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, teaming up to host the ceremony for the second year in the row. Let’s hope that they are just as awesome the second time around.

8:02 – I agree with them – this has been a really spectacular year for movies; not a War Horse or Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (both of which I hated) in the lot.

8:03 – “Matt Damon, on any other night in another room, you would be a big deal. But tonight, and don’t take this the wrong way, you’re basically a garbage man.” Ha!

8:04 – I am not sure that Tom Hanks finds this amusing, which is surprising.

8:05 – I love Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Of course she is playing along for a bit because she is the freaking best:

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8:06 – This joke about Gravity absolutely slayed me:

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Speaking of which – where IS Clooney? Are they even allowed to do awards shows without him present??

8:07 – “Are you taking notes?” – Kristin’s husband, wandering into the festivities and amazed that I was watching an award ceremony with a pad of paper and pen in hand.

8:09 – “Masters of Sex is the degree I got from Boston College.” – Amy Poehler. They are killing it with this monologue. So, so funny.

 

8:10 – The presenters are coming up from the audience? That seems kind of weird. Is that how it is going to be all evening?

8:11 – Sandra Bullock’s dress is really unattractive:

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8:13 – I can’t hear Mila Kunis speak now without thinking of Meg Griffin on Family Guy. That’s unfortunate for her.

8:14 – Dancing on the Edge? What the heck is that? It’s unusual that even I haven’t hear of something that is nominated.

8:15 – Yowza – it took Jacqueline Bisset a really long time to get to the stage.

8:16 – If this show runs long, it is going to be Bisset’s fault; she is taking way too many dramatic pauses and she is rambling.

8:17 – Bisset is getting censored; she must be cussing.

8:18 – I legitimately have no idea what she is talking about. Get the hook.

8:23 – Finally! One of my predictions came true. Behind the Candelabra wins for best TV drama, musical or miniseries.

8:24 – Sweet baby Jesus – no more older people can win. It takes them way too long to get to the stage.

8:25 – Elisabeth Moss! Hooray! A well-deserved win for Top of the Lake; it’s worth a look if you haven’t seen this great Sundance Channel mini-series. And that’s two in a row for me.

8:28 – Matt Damon makes a call-back to the garbage man comment at the top of the show. Well played, Damon.

8:36 – Teleprompter error for Jonah Hill and Margot Robbie. Some awkward laughing and then they read their lines off a piece of paper. Robbie wonders if this is hazing for the new girl.

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8:38 –Heisenberg in the house! A not unexpected win for Bryan Cranston. Though I’m still pissed that Jon Hamm wasn’t even nominated. And another one right for me!

8:41 – I’m guessing Breaking Bad will win best drama, but I wouldn’t be totally surprised if House of Cards is the upset winner. The Hollywood Foreign Press love to think that they are recognizing something new and innovative.

8:41 – Just kidding. OF COURSE Breaking Bad wins.

8:42 – That was some weird camera work there, but I can’t fault them for wanting to linger on Aaron Paul. I’d do the same.

8:43 – Awww…one last “yeah bitch” for the road.

8:51 – P Diddy – you are not Kanye West. Stop interrupting the winners and inserting yourself into their moments.

8:54 – I don’t care who wins best original song as long as it isn’t Taylor Swift (though I am partial to “Let it Go” from Frozen).

8:55 – U2 wins for Mandela. I’m OK with this.

8:55 – HA! Bono is having none of P Diddy. That was the most awkward hug I’ve ever seen.

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8:56 – Who knew that U2 had such a long and profound connection with Nelson Mandela? Now I’m really glad they won. I’m also impressed that Bono is letting the other two band members who are not The Edge speak. I didn’t know that was allowed.

9:02 – It really isn’t that hard to say the word candelabra but somehow this dude presenting messed it up.

9:03 – Sorry Jon Voight, but you just stole Aaron Paul’s award. Be the bigger person and give it back to him. Sigh – the idea of a movie star “slumming it” on TV never fails to be awards bait.

9:05 – Wait – Jon Voight’s son is there? Is this the same son who famously was a little too affectionate with his famous sister? If so, good for him getting back on the award show horse.

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9:06 – Robert Downey, Jr. presenting. Has everyone seen the video of him singing with Sting?

9:07 – Got to go Amy Adams on this one.

9:08 – Right again – Adams really was great so this isn’t really a surprise. But beating Meryl – that’s a feather in your cap!

9:15 – Ha! Amy Poehler is dressed up as Mr. Golden Globe, Tina Fey’s son from a previous relationship. Classic.

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9:16 – Did Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon know this was going to happen? Because they look a little confused. Their daughter is loving it though.

9:17 – I’m guessing Robin Wright, since she’s the only movie star in this category.

9:18 – Yup. The Hollywood Foreign Press is predictable.

9:19 – Jim Carrey received a surprisingly enthusiastic response when he came out on stage to present. Do people have him confused with someone else (quite possible – the booze is flowing at this event)? He doesn’t seem like the type of guy to be getting this kind of ovation.

9:20 – Christoph Waltz is permitted to be in a move that doesn’t involve Quentin Taratino?

9:21 – Going with Jared Leto for best supporting actor. A truly amazing performance.

9:22 – Another correct prediction – I should have put money on this thing.

9:23 – Ugh. Enough with Giuliana Rancic. It’s bad enough I have to put up with her on the red carpet; stop showing her in commercials too.

9:27 – Emma Thompson has come out barefoot, carrying her shoes and with a martini in her hand. I can relate, sister.

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9:28 – This is a tough category because they don’t distinguish between original and adapted screenplay. Based on sheer creativity, I think Her will take this award (look for a review of the film later this week).

9:29 – That song “Girl on Fire?” That’s about me, since I am seriously killing these Golden Globe predictions.

9:30 – One of my award show pet peeves – the arbitrariness of who gets played off and who does and how long each person gets. Less famous people don’t get the same courtesy and that is bullshit.

9:34 – Andy Samberg? That is a surprise. I figured this was Jim Parsons’ award to lose. Like Samberg, but he doesn’t deserve this.

9:36 – Eh – at least Samberg gave a cute speech. And Seth Meyers is clearly ticked to see his pal win.

9:46 – Not a fan of Zoe Saldana’s dress. It looks like the straps accidentally fell down and she didn’t fix them.

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9:43 – JIMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hooray for Fallon (and Melissa McCarthy)!

9:44 – This bit that they are doing about McCarthy thinking she is Matt Damon is weird, but also funny. Not sure that it is working with the crowd though.

9:45 – Dang. That would have been really funny to see what they would have done if Damon had actually won. But Michael Douglas winning isn’t a surprise.

9:52 – Emma Watson – don’t think that I didn’t see you downing some booze earlier in the evening. Your presenting skills are a bit off.

9:53 – I’m kind of surprised that I have seen all the animated feature nominees, though it helps that there are only 3.

9:56 – Bono giving nominee Amy Poehler a back rub is outstanding:

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9:57 – Amy then making out with Bono when she won was even better:

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Ha! This did not sit well with Poehler’s boyfriend Nick Kroll:

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10:01 – Woody Allen retrospective in advance of his receipt of the Cecil B. DeMille award. As a relatively new convert to his films, this only reminds me of how many of these that I haven’t seen. I need to get to work.

10:05 – No Woody; his pal Diane Keaton accepts on his behalf.

10:10 – That was actually a really sweet speech. Good job Diane!

10:11 – Two people who were not digging the tribute: Mia and Ronan Farrow:

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10:18 – Eh – I wouldn’t have picked Alfonso Cuarón for best director, but there were a lot of moving pieces for that film.

10:19 – He seems like a good guy. That herpes vs. ear piece story was pretty adorable.

 

10:20 – Best comedy – I officially have no freaking idea what is going to happen with this one, given the relatively unexpected wins for Poehler and Samberg, Literally anything could happen……

10:21 -…….and it does with a totally premature win for Brooklyn Nine-Nine. I like the show, but it is wildly uneven and it’s too early to tell what kind of show it will end up being.

10:26 – Best actor in a comedy of musical. I would totally be OK with any of these guys winning. They are all great. I’m going Leonardo Di Caprio.

10:27 – And Leo takes home the Globe. Good on him – he gets nominated a lot but rarely wins and The Wolf of Wall Street was one of his best performances.

10:28 – Ha! Leo pointing out the absurdity of how the Golden Globes divvies up movies. When I think Christian Bale, I think comedy.

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10:37 – You know I’m all in on American Hustle, though I really can’t complain about any of these films winning.

10:38 – The American Foreign Press agrees with me again with a win for American Hustle. No Christian Bale or Jeremy Renner in attendance.

10:43 – Tina and Amy get saucy with this joke about DiCaprio:

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10:44 – Leo comes out to present and thanks some people that he forgot to thank when he won. His publicist must have gotten a hold of him

10:45 – Leo just mangled the name Philomena. He said Phil-o-mania, which I can only assume is the Phil Mickleson story. I would totally watch that.

10:46 – Cate Blanchett’s win for best actress makes me even more excited to finally see Blue Jasmine.

10:48 – A Judy Garland/barbiturates reference. Who had THAT on their Golden Globe bingo cards?

10:49 – I’m sure to the annoyance of everyone, I am obligated to say “Alright, alright, alright” every single time Matthe McConaughey is on screen. He’s my pick to win.

10:50 – Whoa! McConaughey must have heard me (and the rest of America) because he actually said “Alright, alright, alright” when he accepted his award. I’m pretty sure the Internet just exploded.

10:56 – Johnny Depp? I’m kind of surprised he’s presenting. This doesn’t seem to be his kind of thing. Even he looks surprised that he is doing this.

10:57 – Rush has absolutely no chance of winning. I’m guessing 12 Years a Slave.

10:58 – I end the night on a high note with another correct prediction.

10:59 – Tina and Amy are back to say goodnight. It speaks volumes to how awesome they are that I actually wish that there were MORE of them during the ceremony. They should host life.

11:00 – The teaser trailer for The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon is airing with the audio for a promo for The Biggest Loser. Sigh – don’t ever change NBC.

So there you have it – another awards show in the books. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler did a great job per usual. A complete list of winners can be found here. So what did you think? Any surprises? Did you favorites win? Who SHOULD have won? Sound off in the comments below.