First Pitch Fails

This weekend I got to watch a little history being made when I caught the final few innings of San Francisco Giant Timmy Lincecum pitching a no-hitter. Even though I was watching from home and it wasn’t my team, I was incredibly anxious; unless the guy is a complete doofus, you want them to achieve success and reach a career milestone. So though I am not a huge Lincecum fan, I was on pins and needles with every pitch, hoping that the no-hitter didn’t get away from him. I’ve never witnessed one of these games in person; I am still distraught that Matt Cain pitched a perfect game in San Francisco while I was visiting and I wasn’t at the game. This literally has kept me up a night, knowing I was so close and yet so far. I’ve seen plenty of other cool things at the ballpark – I was at the Raul Ibanez homerun game last year, for example – but the no-hitter/perfect game eludes me.

However, this weekend also marked a low point in baseball as pop singer Carly Rae Jepsen earned herself the honor of possibly being the worst person to ever throw out a first pitch. I mean, it was downright terrible:


Now, that is not to say that Jepsen is the only celebrity to embarrass themselves throwing out the ceremonial first pitch. She certainly has some competition:

Mariah Carey –

She probably would have been terrible regardless, but that outfit sure didn’t help.


The Kardashians

You’d think that at least one of them would have had some aim. I can’t say that I’m surprised that Kris and Kim were so terrible, but I would have though Khloe or Kourtney would have been better.


Gary “Baba Booey” Dell’Abate

I feel terrible for him, since unlike most of the other people on this list he is an actual baseball fan.


John Wall

Apparently being an athlete in one sport does not automatically transition to other sports


Mark Malloy (Cincinnati Mayor)

A pitch like that can hurt your re-election chances


Chris Rock

I wouldn’t have guessed Sandler would have done the better job.



I can’t say that I’m surprised that a long extinct dinosaur known for its short arms had trouble throwing out the first pitch; my question is why the White Sox decided to do this to begin with.


Trent Edwards

As a Bills fan, I can tell you that this went about as well as I expected – that’s the kind of quality throws we got when he was our QB.


Mark Wahlberg

All video evidence seems to have been scrubbed from the Internet, but unfortunately for Marky Mark I was actually at this game and witnessed his horrid first pitch with my own eyes. I think it even hit a fan. But in a total baller move, Wahlberg insisted on taking a second shot at it. His second pitch was only slightly better, but I had no idea that calling a “do-over” was allowed.


My advice to celebrities – if you are asked to throw out the first pitch, you might want to do a few practice throws before you take your moment in the spotlight. It doesn’t have to be a strike, but your throw shouldn’t bounce (especially if you are a dude) and should at least be in the vicinity of the catcher. Accepting this honor comes with the high likelihood of embarrassing yourself; a little prep work can help minimize that.